Thursday, June 10, 2010

Natural resources


Presented unedited from May 2007, an old "gem" from Africans.


God only knows how fragile our earth is, and how each year we trundle closer to the inevitable cataclysmic shitfest that will see our cursed species wiped from the face of the planet, as a wad of 2-ply dislodges a tenacious winnet. We have our rain forests turned into grazing land to provide substandard beef for obese fuckers in the first world, while we pump pollution into our atmosphere and our oceans. It's a crying shame, and while the world weeps, business men cluster together and laugh, like a bunch of bloated ticks. If serving one's self is the agenda of the human race, then we are doomed, doomed, doomed, unless we can find some new source of food, energy, and living space.

I have identified a hitherto untapped, yet bounteous resource, in the form of the human parasites that live alongside us. Stupid people. People who are barely self aware, yet consume just as much and produce just as much waste as a regular person. People who step out into the street in front of oncoming traffic, because yes, their life is that valuable to them. People whose lives are only separated from those of cattle by their television and the ugly clothes they wear. They eat our food. They breathe our air. They soil our planet, and yet we do nothing. If our complacency is to be our downfall, then let it be reflected that I called for these bipedal flesh sacks to be expunged post haste, and as painfully as possible, because frankly my dear, they make me want to puke.

Should I venture into my local Checkers (on Kloof st) I am greeted by a full compliment of the stupid. They share far more in common with B-movie zombies than they do with thinking human beings, and they slowly drift through pointless lives, acting only on biological urges, rather than anything even a mile removed from an informed opinion. Looking into their eyes, I could swear I've seen more humanity in the eyes of teddy bears and Barbie dolls, and to enter into conversation with them is a fruitless endeavour with a similar effect to swallowing ipecac. We rid ourselves of pests like rats and mice, so why not idiots? They eat far more than tiny animals, and they are basically the hardened clay-like shit clogging up the bowels of a constipated society. Where is our laxative? Are we going to walk around in this state until the earth explodes or something?

I very much doubt it will happen in my lifetime, but I'd like to see the issuing of human licenses, with annual intelligence testing, a bit like renewing a car license, or having regular roadworthy checks. Stupid people would then be declassified, and downgraded to higher mammals. Imagine the possibilities for testing medicines - they have exactly the same biology as we do, but they have minds of pigeons! They could also fill a gap in the crash test dummy industry, be invaluable in clearing dangerous landmines, and best of all, they could be compacted into fossil fuel, and provide us with the very energy they steal from us watching their sport on TV.

Breaking a circuit is not a crime. Stepping on an ant is not a crime. Mowing a lawn is not a crime. What makes stupid people so fucking special? I guess they are pretty well represented in government, because when confronted with the choice between stupid party A and stupid party B, an intelligent person might weep, go postal, or spoil their ballot, whereas a stupid person will smile, mark their vote, because those lies are just as convincing this time around as all those past elections. Were they to be harvested for their meat, their existence would be far more acceptable, but as it stands, the whole scenario is a headache for every person with a functional brain.

As a little addendum to this piece, I just witnessed a car accident from my office window, caused by stupid people. A taxi driver failed to stop at a red light, and ran into a speeding Audi, driven by 2 stupid employees of the nearby Audi garage. As the injured lay on the grass verge while a stupid policeman secured the area with a plastic ribbon. I was left with a feeling of regret that some of those hurt might be intelligent human beings, and the injustice of the whole debacle. How much hurt have stupid people caused? Isn't it time to say "enough is enough!" and say it emphatically. I would like my next pair of leather shoes to be made from stupid hyde, rather than that of a cow, because I believe deep down in my heart that it is the ethical choice.

I think the bottom line is - when does an animal become a person, and vice versa. We feed, clothe, and care for idiots, and all they give back is irresponsible living and mountains of excrement. Isn't it time to take back the planet? Warm yourselves by burning fools, not wood, and use their mushed organs as fertiliser for your garden. They owe us, and the time to collect has arrived.